Expecting

Helen was going to walk home. Instead the bus came at the very point she made this decision and so she quickly changed her mind. It was rush hour and she hadn’t realised until suit after suit surrounded her. There was something quite comforting she thought about this enclosure but knew it would be only minutes until it turned to discomfort.

Seeing a seat Helen squeezed past, pardoning as she went until she made it sat down successfully. Guilt creeped into her as she sat watching others sway from each other as the bus moved along and she wondered why nobody had sat there to begin with.

Shit, she thought glancing over to the sticker next to her seat. She was in the priority seat. Reserved only for the disabled and the elderly. Neither of which at the age of 27 and fully able, she could really qualify for. Helen looked up to see a young tall smartly dressed man scanning her over, looking she assumed for her disability. She looked over at the picture next to her seat at the funny looking block coloured people and thought how nobody really looked like them anyway. One body sat sideways in a wheelchair, one body hunched over with a walking stick and aha', one body stood sideways pregnant. She looked at the body sat in the wheelchair again and wondered how hard it would be to illustrate it from the front.

Too embarrassed to get up she only had one criteria she could really qualify for. She thought how disabling pregnancy would be for her at this point in her life, especially after her scare only a month ago. Helen had never been able to put on weight as a teenager, something her mother had told her would catch up with her and never did and thus lacking the resemblance to the blooming block person she needed to fit.

Now, further sets of eyes were on her and scanning her body harder. Helen grabbed her bag and placed it in front of were she assumed her womb lay, smiling.
“Excuse me but there is an old man standing here and you’re sitting down as if...well as if you don’t care” said a suited woman.

Helen hadn’t noticed the old man at her seated level and began flushing with shame. She had to decide there and then whether to tell them she was pregnant and feel like a horrible person inside or get up and move for this man who probably was having real difficulty standing and make known to everyone she was a horrible person.

“Oh...oh...I’m sorry” Helen replied, making the woman smile. The old man in question looking oblivious throughout this action.
“I’m sorry but I’m pregnant you see. 3 months only, but the doctor told me to avoid crowded areas” Helen continued, transferring her blushing to the woman. Others around began chattering in whispers, the accusing woman turning away.

Helen sat riding the bus to the last stop clutching her bag, relieved she hadn’t let everyone know what a terrible thing she’d done.

Two weeks later Helen had another scare.